lumière de monde
Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes let me see
Beauty that made
This heart adore You
Hope of a life spent with You
So here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God
And You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me
King of all days
Oh so highly exalted
Glorious in heaven above
Humbly You came
To the earth You created
All for love's sake became poor
And I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross
And I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross
matt redman
entries
Monday, January 15, 2007
to inability to forgive someone... as i have realised... is really a combination of utter disappointment and anger. It makes u boil whenever u think of it. No matter wad u try to do or try to cover up... it juz doesnt go away, but instead leaves an even worse aftertaste. I have been experiencing serious emo-ness lately and it doesnt seem to go away. it grows even more and more as the day goes by. Im afraid to be "that" emo cos i dunno how to handle it, but i guess i cant do anything. Haiz.
I wonder wads the real reason behind this sudden emoness... isit really cos it hurts and opens the deepest scars in my heart? Or is there soemthing else? I wonder if im being angry cos i am already guilty in a particular manner? Isit really the inability to forgive? Or isit juz a facade to show my incompetence in inter personal relationships? I wonder how long this would last and i really question the ultimate aim of my anger? Sometimes i feel that im on this twisted track where i noe its all wrong... however i wishfully hope for an alternative ending and hope that my inner desires are met. But then the cold hard facts of this cruel world juz slaps me across my face. And then im left all alone again.
I feel so abandoned by the people around me and wonder how long this would last. I cried or at least i almost did when i realized that its juz another de javu and everything's happening all over again. Maybe one day ill solve this mystery, how i manage to fall down n pick myself up again and again over the years. Cos it hurts to "smile and look forward to the future" in hope of silver linings along the way. Heck to everything thats screwing my life. I feel so imcompetent in handling situations and i have such little discipline and so little faith in wadeva im doing.
U noe how irritating it is to do soemthing in hope that situation A would happen even though u noe situation B is always how it turns out to be, and when situation B occurs again, u feel so useless and feel liek slapping urself for even wishing for something so impossible. I feel liek telling ________________ that i hate u! I seriously do! I wish u juz dun interfere so much cos u dunno wads goin on. U c things from ur own point of view and try to do things that u think will benefit me but im sorry, ur juz pouring salt unto my wounds. I hate you! and if u think im refering to someone in my family, u are so very wrong...
