lumière de monde
Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes let me see
Beauty that made
This heart adore You
Hope of a life spent with You
So here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God
And You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me
King of all days
Oh so highly exalted
Glorious in heaven above
Humbly You came
To the earth You created
All for love's sake became poor
And I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross
And I'll never know how much it cost
To see my sin upon that cross
matt redman
entries
Sunday, April 30, 2006
We had a unique service yesterday durin church. We had this marathon worship thing. And it was supposed to last liek 4 the whoel service, so for me who was doin my 1st ever avp duty was kinda scary lar. Dun really understand wad was gg on. But it was okay lar i guess.
What striked me most was that i felt stoned the whoel time lor. Like okay sing sing lor kidna attitude. And i really felt that i have lost the passion, i kept on thinking that i came to church, accepting Jesus was just because i wanted a larger social circle kinda thing. And that i have nvr ever truly loved God. Also i felt that my coming to church was a routine and it nvr was a time for me to love God. The words "love", "God", "Jesus" was just so alien to me. I felt like maybe i really should stop coming to church because there wasnt any real feelings for it. I was so desperate to seek a way out of this. I think i have nvr really solved a single problem in my life. All i ever did was to run and run. Maybe thats the reason why i nvr saw God's promises or ever seek God for solutions. I felt so lonely and felt so down. During the whole worship i knew something was very wrong with me. Was it the hardened heart? Or was it the lost passion? Was it the devil's attempt to stop me from believing God? Or could it just be that i was running away... again? All that i knew was that i had to believe and trust in the Lord. I felt my deepest conviction speaking to me again. And then i tot to myself that no this wasnt the real reason why i had nvr experienced God. But i was clueless to the real reason. Its only now that i think i have finally figured out. The answer is desperation. I have nvr felt desperate to noe God. Whenever i felt that i had to seek desperation, its because i felt that it was only right for me to do so. I guess i tot it was a natural process. And i know im really wrong now. It has nth to do wif my convictions and my wrong-doins. Cos i have been trying to rid myself off all this filthy sins and wrong actions. I confessed yesterday to Jem and Ps Ben. But i now know that it was really an excuse for me. I think i havta changed for the bttr, for my sake and for God's sake. I really havta do something to deal with this situation. I have taken the 1st step of faith to rid all sinful tots in my mind. Got rid of all temptations. And now all i havta do is trust in the Lord and do my QT faithfully and fatefully. I really wan to c a change and i really must do something proud for my Abba Father to see. =]
